The Ex Factor
My friends Bob and Nancy have been together since they have been old enough to crawl and share pacifiers. After three children and 35+ years of marriage, they’re nonetheless stuck on each other. Such longevity is enviable-and uncommon. Most of us have an ex or two lurking in the unicorn shirts for men shadows. And while I choose that the past stay right the place it’s, that is not always possible, especially when there are blended households. When everyone will get alongside, it’s a stupendous factor. Sadly, that too is a uncommon factor.
The ex issue is exponentially sophisticated. To exhibit:
Mark and Sharon arrive at a wedding to find that Sharon’s ex-husband Joe and Mark’s ex-spouse Carol are there with their respective spouses. By way of some colossal blunder, all six of them are seated at the same desk. Let’s check out some common errors partners make in these situations:
The Memory Lane Blunder. Mark and Carol cut up on good terms and, as outdated friends are inclined to do, start a stroll down reminiscence lane-whatever occurred to . . . do not forget that journey we took to the Grand Canyon . . . did you ever get that hernia repaired . . . and so on. Each Sharon and Carol’s new husband are ignored of the dialog. Not good.
The It is Okay With Me Blunder. When Sharon makes an attempt to redirect the dialog so she and Carol’s husband can participate, Carol responds with a terse remark, then asks Mark about an outdated buddy. Mark cheerfully solutions, persevering with down memory lane and the trail to Sharon’s how-dare-you-let-her-treat-me-that-method wrath. Actually not good.
The brand new Greatest Friend Blunder. Sharon’s relationship with Joe ended bitterly. Sharon ignores Joe however engages in dialog along with his spouse who acts as though Sharon is her new greatest buddy, going as far as to counsel they get together for coffee. Joe is fuming at what he perceives as his wife’s disloyalty.
The Inside Joke Blunder. Joe, indignant at being ignored, interrupts Carol to ask Mark if Sharon still sleeps in beat up outdated T-shirts and has learned to cook. Mark replies actually concerning the T-shirts and makes a joke about Sharon’s cooking. Everyone, besides Sharon, laughs. Mark is headed for dying row.
The It Wasn’t My Concept Blunder. Sharon, feeling ignored and harm by Mark, is furious with Joe and shouts, “Why are you being such a bastard? It’s not as though I left you. You’re the one who wished a divorce!” Desk discuss turns into an ungainly silence.
When dealing along with your sweetheart’s ex, take your cue from your sweetheart. In case your sweetheart’s relationship ended cordially, be cordial. If it ended bitterly, be polite but keep your distance.
When dealing together with your ex, take your cue from how your ex treats your sweetheart. In case your ex is friendly to your sweetheart, be friendly. In case your ex is rude, be polite however keep your distance.
It pays to keep in mind that your sweetheart is your at the moment and, hopefully, your tomorrow. Keep your foot, your ideas, and above all your consideration out of the previous and in your sweetheart.
Writer Field Shela Dean has 1 articles online
Shela Dean is a Relationship Happiness Coach, speaker and writer of the upcoming book Frequent Foreplay Miles, Your Ticket to Whole Intimacy. She is the creator of Frequent Foreplay Miles, a fun and effective technique for creating intimacy in all features of a pair’s life. To be taught extra, go to http://www.FrequentForeplayMiles.com
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